Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Fail, just fail

First of all I feel I must preface this by saying that this is an Asylum film which should give you a pretty good feel for how bad/fail this movie is. If you are not already familiar with The Asylum, they have made some gems like Titanic 2, Paranormal Entity (which actually wasn't all that bad, just not that scary), Snakes on a Train, etc. They are the makers of today's B/C horror/action, straight to dvd or cable rip-offs. Some are actually pretty enjoyable, while others it's clear they didn't put much effort into. Today I thought I would share with you one of the newest releases, or one of the newest available for instant viewership on Netflix, 8213: Gacy House. YES! It's a paranormal-investigation-found-footage-film! Look at all those hyphens!! Let's go to the video tape (ahem, trailer):

So, now you have seen the "essentials" so to speak. What I will tell you is that it is a typical Asylum film, not that scary, but there are a couple of tense scenes and hey BOOBIES!!! Asylum pretty much decided to make these people the Ghost Adventures of paranormal explorers. They keep trying to piss the any entity there off; Gacy, demon, even...Loki? Ah man, who brought the weird new age psychic?! Also, if you don't know about Ghost Adventures then you are missing out on some serious stupid! Clicky here to become a learner. (I selected this episode because it is especially enlightening of how idiotic they are. "Hey, there's an asbestos warning sign. Let's take off our mask and talk to the camera's about it." Fools.)
Anyway, back to Gacy House. Pretty much from the time they walk in you're routing for the ghost to shut these people up. I guess I was kind of confused to because the film makes a point, too of saying that the original home of Gacy was torn down in 1979 and a NEW house was built. Yet the house they shoot in is definitely old, like early 20th century old, with nothing to code from the 80's (you should see the fuse box). Plus, they begin remarks that the house has been abandoned for two years but nothings dusty, furniture looks great, fresh flowers and there's electricity....hmmmm. I wouldn't bring this up but the characters keep blaming everything on the fact that the house is REALLY old and no one has been living there for so long.
But FTW, the Gacy Ghost gets his comeuppance by literally ripping the pants off the youngest guy there and dragging him to the basement! I cheered. Then they all died. The end. Moral of the story: don't tell John Wayne Gacy he doesn't scare you, because he does. He is an evil, evil clown man and he will rip your pants of and kill you.

Next time, call TAPS.

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